Stress and Anxiety

When we are stressed what happens to us on a biological level; our hearts beat faster we get a rush of chemicals to our brain, this sends us into the fight, flight or freeze instinctive response. What happens when this feeling continues for longer than a few moments to get ourselves out of danger. This is anxiety. Anxiety is long lasting and often impairs functioning in day to day life. Serious Anxiety might have devastating effects on your decision making. This might include making life changing choices. Your anxiety for instance may prevent you from leaving your house, applying for a job that might change your circumstances greatly, talking to a person whom you are attracted to. When your stress stops you from doing life it is a problem for you. The biological effects of being in a heightened state of awareness can damage you on a biological level, increasing the risk of heart attack and other heart conditions. As you can imagine the strain of having your body in a stressed state for a long period of time may effect every area of your life.

As I discussed in my previous blog about motivation we need a certain amount of stress to motivate us however, if this is too high it demotivates us and we are then unable to function at our best. A lot has been said about breathing techniques to reduce stress. This may work for some people however, just try to breath in this way when you are in a  heightened state, you might find yourself hyperventilating and falling unconscious on the floor.  If your anxiety is paralyzing you in this way what other methods might you use to bring your biological stress levels down.  If you have a great imagination you might use it to imagine yourself being the person you would like to be and play acting that role until it feels comfortable.  You might perform some practice scenarios with your therapist in the safe space of the therapy room, slowly taking those actions a little bit further until you are able to go for the job interview or talk to the person you would like to ask out or leave your house.

In narrative therapy you may externalize the problem of anxiety and begin seeing it as outside of yourself which may help you to control the anxiety. You might start questioning your actions and be able to say is it this external factor of anxiety controlling my actions or is it me. You may be able to imagine a life without anxiety calling the shots for you, if you see it as a separate entity. However, then you will later accept that you need anxiety in moderation and that it does make up an important part of who you are and how you function in the world however, it is not a part of you that you want taking over completely. 

If we look at how to control our emotions to benefit our lives and not rule our existence then we become the master of our destiny. Our emotions are an important part of who we are they assist us in many ways. Stress being one of the things that helps motivate us. Being aware of what is the driving force behind our actions and behaviors is the beginning of changing ourselves from a person who is being driven by irrational emotions and thoughts and one who is being rational and logical. It is human to have irrational thoughts and emotions the trick is in identifying them and having a way of acknowledging that these thoughts and feelings are normal but are not helpful to you in the long run. You might create a pause or reflect on a past action and say to yourself "what was driving me to take that action was it rational and logical or was it heightened emotional responses which are not rational".

While it is important to create a moment of pause and reflection it is also important not to stay there beating up on yourself for making an irrational decision or acting while in a heightened emotional state. You are human and in being human you will be imperfect and sometimes say and do things that aren't that smart. You will arrive at conclusions that are made on rubbish observations. When you know better you do better. If you are honest with yourself be honest with others. There is absolutely no harm in going back to your partner for example and saying "Sorry, that was unfair of me" or going to your colleagues and saying "Sorry."  Often people believe if they apologize they are taking a weak position however, I believe it is a position of strength. If someone takes advantage of your apology then you know this person's actions are a reflection of their character not your own. You can then say, when I apologized to you about this it wasn't me giving you permission to run rough shot over every statement I make. You might say, I think you may have misinterpreted my apology, let me correct you. 

If you are having problems controlling your anxiety then I seriously suggested seeking therapy to overcome this problem. Speak to your doctor and get moving on taking control of your life.